DIARY OF A PROCRASTINATING SCREENWRITER

FADE UP.

Scratch that.

OK, more like – BLINDING SUNLIGHT

It’s morning again, and I’m waking up from my hazy, drunken half-sleep.  My mind is already imagining things in Courier font, and formatting my breakfast and coffee into neat, centered chunks.

My first formed thought: Is this why I became a screenwriter?

I raise my window shades to see the tops of the Upper East Side high rises doing nothing to block the like sun (which insists on being out of an Albert Camus novel).  Yeah, I’m in New York - an anomaly for screenwriters who are always told they need to be in LA to be as close to the proverbial teat.  Even in this ‘industry’, we do sometimes feel like we’re churning out stuff at factory, even if our employee of the year award is an Oscar, and not a dinner for two at Denny’s.

Speaking of which, time to put my morning star breakfast in the microwave.  A few moments and --

 - DING.

My favorite part about screenwriting is writing the effects.  Pauses, gunshots, microwave bells.  They’re one of the few times when the WRITING STYLE gets to be dramatic.  When thinking about URGENCY and CONFLICT 24/7, it’s one of the little indulgences we get.  Sounds. Descriptions. Punctuation.  The part that makes you feel like a writer.

Food’s too hot.  Figures.  Coffee’s too hot too, but what good is coffee if it wasn’t?  I’m training my mouth to take the microwave heat – the vibrating molecules of food give me the ultimate hummer going down my throat.  The magic of modern science.  Vibration equals friction. Friction equals heat.  I’m back to thinking about screenwriting rules again.  Conflict.  Urgency.

What am I writing?

I start to skim the first pages of a new script, which I began to write in a fit after hearing that my dry cleaner’s daughter was writing a screenplay.  She’s Fifteen.  She’s fifteen, you say.  But guess what – it’s not rocket science.  You just do it.  No casualties except for your ego, and like my mother always said, if you have an ego, have another drink.

So let’s see where this goes, shall we?

<To be continued...>